Parsha Matos begins with the laws of taking vows and oaths. The Bal Haturim (13 century rabbi from Cologne) says “nedarim” is the gematria or numerical equivalent of murderer (rotzach)because one who vows and does not pay , the sin leads to dead children. This is wild, heavy and where did Bal Haturim get this? He quotes Talmud Shabbos page 32b
If one looks at Shabbos 32b there is another opinion just before this stated idea of unpaid vows lead to dead children. The previous opinion says unpaid vows leads to ones wife dying.
The question is why did the Bal Haturim quote the dead children and not the dead wife in explaining that the gematria of Nedarim is murdere? Why pick comparing failing to make good on vows to dead children and not spouse. The SD would like to weigh.
Every parent will tell you that the thing they love most in the world is their children. They love them unconditionally, without question. We would do anything for a child. A spouse… well… not so much. We are more likely to let down a spouse than a child. Children are our first and last love. We do anything and everything for our children. Nothing is ever enough for a child.
The Bal Haturim is telling you that you should treat those charities or people that you promise assistance with the same concern and sense of responsibility that you have for your children. Your charity or gift should be as precious to you and as heavy on your soul as concern for your children. The same way you would not let down your child or neglect your child is the same way you should view your commitments. The same commitment you have to your children is the same commitment to charity and giving. We love our spouse, but we would do anything for our children.